Patch's Press

Get a load of this!!!  Went shopping with P on Friday – girly stuff and all.  Came home with this wicked new bolero thing – didn’t like the pink, red was a bit tarty so went for the blue.  Royal is sooo my colour don’t you think.  Anyway this mean little number doubles as a lead sttachment and guess what – NO MORE PULLING.  Not sure who’s more excited, the Greek or me, but had a successful trial and then celebrated over coffee and eggs bennie in Devonport.

Sunday:  Creepy neighbour came for a drink.  Had a bottle and then a bit more and  started flirting outrageously with P – must have been really cross-eyed.  P’s flesh was crawling, the Greek was mildly amused and I was thrilled at all the snacks he kept dropping when he missed his mouth.  Pays to be on the floor sometimes!

Monday: Sleep, eat, sleep, walk, eat, sleep.  Boring

Tuesday: Sleep, eat, sleep, walk, eat, sleep.  Boring

Wednesday: Sleep, eat, sleep, walk, eat, sleep.  Managed to find TBC’s hiding place – man did he get a fright!  Got into a fair bit of shit though, but totally worth it.  Not so boring!

Thursday: Napalm gang returned to completely obliterate what remained of the undergrowth, so schmoozed with them for the day.  Something hot about burly men with big machines.  TBC now has to climb trees – nowhere left to hide.  The hunt is on!

Friday:  The Greek whisked P off for a night (anniversary thing) and I got a baby-sitter.  Cool dude friend of Mikes who indulged my whims and shared his food.  Trying to persuade P and the Greek to do it more often!!

Saturday and Sunday:  Watched some yachts racing – I think it would be more fascinating to watch paint dry, but P was really into it.  Nearly wet her pants at one point.  Blimy, I thought I’d got rid of any boating obsession when the Hamburgers left but it is clearly going to continue to haunt me!

All started fine – the Greek and I did breakfast and walking and bonding stuff and P went off to run Round the Bays (without me mind you).  She started off with Prue but even I could have told her that she had more chance of catching a giselle than keeping up with youth and those legs, so she settled for a Telecom dude running his 27th Round-the Bays as company who spent most of the time telling P what fabulous legs she had (must have been blind as well as lecherous!)

Anyway things took a bad turn when the Greek started ferreting around in the garden and managed to step slap-bang in the middle of one of my finer steamers that I had neatly concealed in the ivy.  Man did he bitch – was dealing to the tread of his sneakers with a knitting needle and really filthy humour.  Fortunately P saw the funny side of it but her rolling-around-the-floor hilarity didn’t do much for his mood!

Am in schmooze mode for the rest of the day.

And by-the-way Hamburgers, click on the comments to see them.  P will investigate  setting options in the morning.

What I have to put up with……………………

TBC

and the man-eating Toast

Nice to hear from the Hamburgers – yes, I can only imagine how you must be missing Seb you two techno-dinosaurs!  P assures me that your stove is induction, not combustion-operated – thank God for that as I had visions of you going up in a puff of smoke –  and I’m overjoyed that my dinner isn’t getting the “umluftrgill” treatment.  And Lawrence, be sparing with the waterbed and tsunami details please – far too much information!!  Those poor tenants above and below!

Yay, it’s Friday.  That means that P doesn’t work.  That means I can schmooze some extra attention.  This morning we went to Devonport – P thought she would walk along the harbour and check out the Louis Vuitton yachts (and crews no doubt!)  Didn’t account for the gale-force wind and the cancelled days racing, so just a plain walk it turned out to be.  Some interesting characters along the way, and then man-o-man, the ponsiest poodle you ever saw.  Big hair and even bigger ego.  Stupid French git stuck his nose so far up my butt he nearly got my tonsils – did I let him have it.  And then the drama started – you should have heard the commotion.  He howled and swore – never heard so many French expletives erupt from a odiferous canine mouth in my life!  His owner was just as bad, but P did point out that I was on a lead and the Frenchman wasn’t, and we parted ways with P grinning and telling me how clever I was.  Not much action after that – coffee at a cafe and a bit of muffin (thanks to the whipped-puppy look – still working a treat!) and then home.  Me tired, and P (thanks to that gale-force wind) looking like the poodle!

Utopia (asleep in the sun on the deck) was rudely shattered when some burly men with large machines invaded my property.  I kept them at bay as best I could, but really I wasn’t seriously going to argue with a chainsaw so I eventually let them be.  Carnage reigned.  They nuked every bit of greenery on the property (P and the Greek insist it was only the ladder-ferns but there couldn’t possibly have been that many) leaving a landscape that looks like it’s been the target of a napalm attack.  Down side is that every trace of previous dog and cat pee has been eradicated which leaves it all a little sanitised really.  Up side is that TBC’s hideouts are now scarce at best, and I have an interrupted view of Toast (the neighbours cat – large, man-eating tabby) whose downfall I plot on a daily basis.  Also on the upside was a toy-box full of new toys which the attack unearthed.  Amongst them was what the Greek calls a rugby ball, but it makes a fearsome shriek whenever I bite it so I swear that there’s something alive inside.  Needless to say it absolutely terrifies me and I’ve learnt to give it a wide berth.  Will stick to my pony!

Ok, so here I am – new abode and new flatmates. 

This is the deal. 

I’m hanging out with Alec (Greek – calls me Skilo (dog) which I’m not sure I’ve warmed to), Philippa (like her – she cooks) and the highly strung, talon baring, pampered and frankly quite ridiculous cat Sassy (TBC – That Bloody Cat).  With the exception of the latter, company’s not too bad really.  They still fall for my whipped-puppy look that the LKP&S long ago wised up to, and take me for a walk every time I do the here’s-my-lead-take-me-take-me thing.  Also get Marie biscuits on demand – long may that last!

I’ve stopped trying to burgle my way out as soon as backs are turned – fence is now completely impenetrable – but have managed to convince P and the Greek to let me roam in and out during the day.  Choice!! 

Am now working on how I can access TBC’s food which frustratingly gets put somewhat out of my reach – I have a few plans so watch this space.